This article recounts a woman’s experience of navigating personal upheaval—the death of her sister and the simultaneous dissolution of her marriage—by undertaking a physically and spiritually demanding pilgrimage in Tibet. The narrative intertwines personal grief with the rigorous journey around Mount Kailash, a sacred peak revered by multiple religions.
The author begins by detailing the sudden collapse of her life: her husband’s abrupt decision to divorce her just seven months after her sister’s death. She describes her attempts to salvage the marriage, suppressing her emotions and adapting to a new, guarded version of herself. This period is characterized by relentless effort—teaching at a new university, writing a novel in stolen hours, and enduring emotional distance from her husband—all while feeling perpetually “on probation.”
The turning point arrives on the 20th anniversary of their wedding, which she spends at the Dolma Pass in Tibet. The location itself is significant: at 18,471 feet, the pass is part of a 32-mile trek around Mount Kailash, a site sacred to Hinduism, Buddhism, Jainism, and Bon. The trek, known as the kora, is not merely a physical challenge but a deeply spiritual act believed to cleanse sins and bring one closer to enlightenment. Some Tibetans complete the journey by prostrating themselves at every step, a testament to their devotion that can extend the journey to three weeks.
The author’s presence at this elevation serves as a metaphorical representation of her emotional state: breathless but finding a strange peace in the sheer physical and spiritual weight of the place. The narrative suggests that facing extreme hardship—both personal and environmental—can offer a new perspective on loss and change.
The conclusion is left open-ended, mirroring the ongoing nature of grief and transformation. The journey is not presented as a solution but as a means of enduring, of finding a quiet space for one’s self amid profound upheaval.
